Talking to a nice fellow

So, I received a contact on Fetlife about interest in me and my listed interests.  Normally, males on Fet contacting me with any sort of pursuing me get either ignored or intensely blasted if they are just profile thumbing (since there’s no A/S/L search there guys will click the town they are in and just go through profiles and contact any female they come across).

This guy was very polite, in NYC and actually part of the scene here over the years and knew folks around some, shared a group we were in, and basically just talked like a normal human to me.  So I gave a nice response.

We exchanged a couple of messages and as we didn’t live terribly apart we arranged a Starbucks meet, I chose the coffee shop that looked roughly half-way between us.

Over the PMs on Fetlife he came across as a bit too exuberant regarding possibilities of becoming my sub or play partner, so I reminded him it was just coffee and we’ll see how we progress, if at all, from there.  He agreed he was getting ahead of things and that it was so far just coffee.

So, we met up and chatted for a good long while.  He seemed quite nice and after a bit I became mostly comfortable in speaking with him (as anyone who knows me knows, that takes me a bit for me so it was a good progression).  The only negative really was that he had a habit of touching me when he spoke.  Nothing offensive or inappropriate in the style or location of touching, but the fact of touching.  Like, when we first met I went to shake his hand and he proceeded to turn it into a hug.  While we were chatting, sometimes when telling me about something he’d touch my forearm for a moment.  Things like that.  I’m not a touch me a lot person at first with people.  Hell, unless I’m specifically cuddling or hugging or something with a friend I’m not a touch me a lot person with people I *am* friends with.

Don’t get me wrong, once a friend of mine and I establish cuddle-hug-whatever level of things then I really enjoy those things… but unless there’s some unusual connection or something I’m a don’t-touch-me sort beyond basic handshaking or tapping on the shoulder when I’ve dropped something.

That part was a bit uncomfortable for me.

But other than that, a nice time.

It ended with me going to shake his hand again and him using both of his hands to surround mine and telling me that whatever I wanted to do with him was fine.

Which was really sweet, but I don’t think we know each other well enough yet for him to know just what “whatever” means with me.  We have a lot of getting-to-know to do if we move ahead into any form of relationship.  Good start, though.


I messaged him today to touch bases about enjoying our meeting and that sometimes not too far into the future I’d like to get together again for another visit.  I also asked what his limits in play are so that I could consider that input.

He wrote back about enjoying the time, too, and that he liked the stuff on my Fet profile for the most part and is generally open to trying new things, too.  And that he’d send me a longer note on his limits not just in play but also regarding a D/s relationship because that’s what he wants with me.

Again, it feels like he’s jumping ahead a bit on me, but we’ll see if I need to address that or not.  I wanted to talk play limits first as that gives me a general feel of a person in what they absolutely are not okay with and to grow that into a larger conversation about likes and dislikes regarding BDSM, vanilla stuff, D/s stuff, etc.  Sometimes I go in other directions… vanilla first or D/s first… but generally I expect to have that lead followed.  He took that lead and jumped forward on it.

Not necessarily a bad thing.  I like people who are direct and clear about their interests in me and who do not do the opposite of making me feel like I’m dragging information out of them.

I guess it was just the phrasing used…  he didn’t do anything wrong it just felt like “woah, I only asked about X so far”.  Again, I think it’s just that exuberance coming through.

Which is sweet.  It’s nice to have someone very interested whom I like and there are possibilities with.  I hope as we get to know each other that will build into a compatibility.  I’m interested in seeing what his longer response he said he’ll send on both play and D/s matters will tell me.


Summary:  Met a nice potential sub who seems sweet and it’s in a place of he seems very excited and we’re getting to know each other.  So it was a good coffee meeting.


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