Grilling him over something last night he admitted that that other night when I thought I might have to go to the hospital because I was so upset and feeling unhealthy?  He’d not been concerned and thought I was just being dramatic with telling him I might need to go to the ER and my symptoms and stuff.

I can’t even be mad at this point over that.  He said it and I had that moment of a mental, “seriously?” in a slight disbelieving tone, and then just “whatever” with a moving-on mood and frame of mind.  I think about it now and it just helps to let me know I’m making the right decision with the divorce.  It doesn’t hurt, it’s just kinda annoying and stupid.

He’s expressing how he loves me and doesn’t want me to go and really cares about how hard this is being on me and that he’s hurt me… and yeah, he’s admitting to giving a rat’s ass at other times in just the last couple of week… on my worst day…  when I told him I might have to go to the ER for it he thought I was blowing it out of proportion.

16 years together, a little more of knowing each other, 15+ years of being married.

I think I’ve been to the ER 5 or 6 times with him.  3 of those times were actually and literally life-threatening. 1 time that was a very extreme issue but not life-threatening that landed me in the hospital, 1 was because I cut my thumb about half off.  1 was because I was ordered to by my Army superiors because I was having nausea/vomiting issue during training. 1 was a night where I was having a very difficult time breathing.  I might’ve forgotten one, I’m not sure… but you get the idea.  I think I might’ve gone for something more minor, probably, at some point.

I am not someone who gets a sniffle or an every-day panic attack and goes to the hospital.  Generally, I have to be bleeding or think I might die (and I’ve usually been right on that part) to go.

I do a lot of googling health worries, check all my meds online before taking them, and ask others when I think something with me is odd… but I don’t go to the ER easily.

Remember recently trying to ignore what turned out to be an emergency-surgery bowel issue?

He knows this.

He thought I was just being dramatic about it.


But yeah, not angry or hurt by this point of view.  It’s just a “yeahhhh, whatever” reaction now.

And a bit after that I gave up interrogating him trying to get him to tell me the truth on the thingy last night.  Again, as I said before that it would probably be and I told him last night – I really don’t care enough at this point to put myself through that.  I eventually just did a mental (and I believe physical) shrug and just went on with my night.

Other things still hurt a lot.  I try not to think of them.

I forgot/put off getting athlete’s foot cream for me yesterday so when he offered to go out and get some for me last night after we got home from D&D I said for him to go.  I read while he went to the store and had him put it on my toes when he got back, then I fell asleep hard.

I’m gonna go look at apartments in New York City again.


One response to “Sigh

  1. Nyc cop here- can not wait until You move to NYC!! i am seeking dominat woman for an FLR relationship. :-)

    my screen name on Yahoo IM is nyboyseekflr

    i hope You get through your divorce with the least amount of pain/ suffering / aggravation as possible.
    Looking forward to your next blog post.


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