HEB, Urges to Punch, Foot Stuff, Whatever

After seeing the lawyer yesterday I was speaking with Chael in his room…. told him I feel like deep down he doesn’t really believe I’m divorcing him in seriousness.  He expressed that no, he doesn’t, but that he thinks he may be starting to.

We played D&D with the folks I’ve mentioned before.  It was a fun night with them.  Nightmare getting my food delivered there and never ended up getting to eat because the delivery place couldn’t get my order right the two times they showed up in the 3 hours I waited.  But, whatever.  The game itself was good.

Then Chael and I hit the new HEB to actually shop on the way home (we’d went earlier to just check it out as it opened for the first time yesterday, but the place was too insane to try and actually buy anything… they had a full parking lot and police at all the nearby intersections to control traffic to it).  I got a whole bunch of dirty little vegan hippy food.  Protein and healthy yummies.  The old store had none such, it’s awesome to have raw and vegan-protein foods just down the street now.

I had a couple urges in the store to just punch him upside the head out of no where.

I didn’t.

But I had the urges.

He went a few times to casually touch me like he used to when we were okay.  I’ve described how such make me feel now.  I dodged each time and he apologized.

We went home and put things away.  I got all ready for bed while he watched (angling my bed up, putting the laptop over on the stand so I can run TV shows on it to sleep to, etc.) and we both made our way to settling down to sleep.  I got covered up and curled up and comfortable.  He walked around the house a bit to take his insulin and stuff before going to his room.

My toes itched between them in a way that made me concerned about athlete’s foot.  So as he was walking across my doorway through the hall I yelled for him and had him put anti stuff on my feet and between my toes while I laid covered up in bed on my stomach with my feet sticking out of the end of the blankets to him.

Having him do something that I specifically order as service rather than a romantic-relationship-touch I can handle as long as it’s limited.  He started taking a little more time putting stuff on my one foot and I almost pulled it out of his reach and kicked him in the chest in one move, but before it came to that he changed which foot he was working on.

Then we both settled down in our own beds and passed out.

We talked a little this morning after we both woke up, me sitting in bed, him sitting on the floor next to it.  Just casual stuff about how we slept and stuff.  He asked if I wanted a bagel for breakfast, I agreed and he made me one.

He then went off and did his own stuff.  Currently asleep in his room.

I’ve been bumming around the internet talking to people, doing email and posting and stuff.  Seeing a lot of things that upset me due to what’s happened with us plus a dose of disability issues discussion.  I try to skip threads I find make me at all uncomfortable about things right now, but a couple I responded to.

Unrelated – or maybe it was a delayed reaction – I was looking at other stuff and I started getting angry again.  I mean that building anger, not just the general “you bastard” bitter state I stay in.  Then it crashed into sadness.  I’m leaving it at that and not describing it, I’m gonna go distract myself.

Plans are 3pm D&D.  It’s a little after 1pm right now.

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