Holy Shit Divorce Paperwork


I went to the first lawyer of the day (going to another for a 4pm appointment) and talked to him… he gave me this packet to fill out and bring back if I decide to use him for the divorce.

It’s like 1/4″ thick and they want details on every tiny little thing…

All our account details, joint and separate

All my credit card info (he has none)

All the details on his house (which is only in his name and I want nothing to do with)

All the details of our vehicles (which are each in our separate names and neither of us want the other’s)

All of our stocks and such (which he owns a whopping 3 I think, I have no clue.  I have none.)

All of the places I’ve lived in 5 years, when and where (How the fuck am I supposed to remember that?)

Everywhere either of us have ever gone to school and what degrees/certificates we have (Really, why?)

What physical disabilities either of us have, any mental health care we are getting and for what and how long, what meds we’re on for anything.

If we consider ourselves incompatible (WTF? Does this really need to be asked?)

And lots else, except no mention of what to do with pets.


Now, I can fully appreciate these things being needed in the case of a contested divorce where there are disagreements on who is getting what, how to divide up money, etc.

But, unless something radically changes, this is a non-contested divorce.  We are expected to decide and agree on who gets what.  Why do they need to know where I’ve lived in the past 5 years for us to decide I’m keeping my car, for example?

Nightmare.  Absolute nightmare.

Oh, and since he’s probably being medically retired instead of normal retired I won’t be eligible for any part of his retirement pay as it may all be considered VA Disability and I can’t touch his disability payments of any type.  I *might* be able to due to the new Concurrent laws where if he is medically retired he will get *both* his normal retirement pay *and* VA Disability.  Then I get a portion of his retirement like normal and he gets the rest plus his disability check.

The lawyer this morning when I asked about issues with medical retirement didn’t seem to know anything about this… when I asked about it he mentioned nothing regarding Concurrency and just said that if he’s getting disability I get nothing.  Well, I know I can’t get any of his disability… what about the other factors??

So, I’ll press the 4pm lawyer a bit on that point and see if he knows his stuff.

I’m not aiming to bankrupt Chael or anything.  If I wanted to it looks like I could simultaneously take up to half of his retirement pay PLUS 5 years of alimony.  Not going to do that to him.

Maybe it sounds mean that I want some financial things at the end of this, but I’m okay with that.  You out there don’t know what I now know about things.  As much as I do put out here and other places I am still keeping things inside the walls of Relationship Privacy.

We’ll just see how things go with this next lawyer and maybe a couple others after this.  The last guy was kinda “this is how much you’ll pay me, here’s some paperwork”.

On other things, we’re playing D&D tonight with Chael’s co-workers/friends from work.  *ugh*   Unfortunate but kinda funny in a dark way, one of the guys and his wife are arguing so she may not play.  Last week we scheduled because I was such a mess I couldn’t handle being social… this week I’m going because I’ve reached a point of mad, sad, and fuck-it that I’m going to go play and try to have fun because I’m past letting Chael stuff ruin my opportunities for a potential social good time.

Oh, I know I’ll still feel the same toward him the whole time and have to hide my level of pissed and sad, but hopefully there will also be a bunch of joking and shit-talking with the other folks.

I hope the wife plays, she’s nice and can be fun in-game.

I’m not telling my mom about any of this until the divorce is final… at soonest.  I don’t need her all up in my business or calling to check on me or such.

I do need more support from others.  Five  folks have sent hugs and good wishes and support.  I really appreciate you guys if you read this.  But for all my blogging, posting places, talking about it… I feel like most people don’t really care much.

Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself.  This is just so big.

2 responses to “Holy Shit Divorce Paperwork

  1. I have only just found your blog, and I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. It sounds just horrible, stressful, difficult. I hope you both can get through it with the least possible damage.

    Sending positive thoughts your way.



    • Thank you, Ferns. I really appreciate the well-wishing. It’s huge and I’m dealing with it as best I can. As mentioned, it looks like it should be an un-contested divorce… He’s accepting that I need to do it,so far.

      I spoke to a second lawyer who seems much better than that first one, so things seem they’ll go much smoother for both of us than it was looking yesterday.


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