Loving Me for Me

So on a Fetlife thread I answered some questions about compassion, empathy, and how they relate to an Owner/property dynamic, specifically between Chael and I.

As I said there, I feel I show compassionate behaviors towards Chael and that I *do*care about him… but I have no ability to feel empathy and my *motivations* aren’t compassionate.

Even my being concerned over his health and happiness come from my place of primary concern about my own happiness and convenience.

I don’t want him to be in pain from his bad shoulder.  I want him to feel good and not have to deal with it.  I make sure he goes to the doctor about it and nag him to take it easy when using it.

But my motivation, deep down, is that I don’t want to hear about it hurting him and I don’t want it limiting what he can do for/with me in the long-run.

As I’ve said over and over, I love him the most of anyone in my life and very, very much -but I always love me more.

 

So, he comes home and we’re chatting on our way out of the house to go to the gym.  I bring this thread up and ask him, “do you think I’m compassionate?”.

Him:  (in a chirpy playful voice) No!

 

I laugh.

 

Me:  Really, how come?

Him: (still chirpy) What, you expected me to have to think about it?

 

I laugh some more.

 

Me:  Why do you say so?

Him:  You could give a rat’s ass about other people

 

I laugh hard.

 

Me:  Well, it was kindof about within the relationship, so between you and me, I mean.

Him:  What, I just assumed I was included in your world-view (cracking a grin)

 

I laugh some more.

We get in the car and I start driving us to the gym.  I tell him a bit more details about the thread in question and express my responses.

 

Me:  So, thoughts?

Him:  Yeah, I’d say that’s about accurate.

Me:  Does this bother you at all?

Him:  No, not really.

Me:  Why not?

Him:  As long as I know where I stand….

 

So we laughed some  more and arrived at the gym and all that.  We’re walking inside and I’m feeling all full of love for him in my stomach and chest due to this talk… I take hold of his hand, smile up at him as we walk, and tell him, “I love that you love me for me”.  He responds, “you mean, I love you for who you really are?”.  “Yep”, with a big smile.

We then engage in blatant PDAs of smooches and hugs before splitting up to do our separate exercise focuses for the night.

 

Chael knows that I am and loves me as an extremely narcissistic person.  One doc has recently expressed that I am a high-functioning psychopath.

We have what I’d consider (and most other’s would, too, I gather) a very healthy relationship:  we communicate well, we know each other very well, there is a high level of mutual respect between us, we’re very compatible in our life views and desires, etc.

The last of those just happens to largely be a shared opinion that I’m totally awesome and come first in our relationship.

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